My Job Was A Mistake

My Job Was A Mistake

ExpatWomen Confession:



Dear EW Girlfriend,

I am a 30-something professional who is currently a trailing spouse. We have been living here in a small town in Switzerland for nearly two years and my husband has just extended his contract for another three years. I agreed with this extension because I finally found a job and had started doing something that I felt would be meaningful to me and beneficial for my career path.

However, my job is not all that I had dreamed it would be. It is quite junior compared to what I used to do and the salary also reflects this. I have a difficult time with my manager, who is inconsistent and erratic with regards to her expectations of me. My colleagues see me as ‘the foreigner’ and do not see the need to include me in important meetings or invite me to lunch. On the whole, I am bored and lonely at work and am thinking that taking my job was a mistake. It does not give me the satisfaction, identity and social connections that I missed by not working. I am now wondering should I stay unhappy at work or cut my losses and quit?
JR

ExpatWomen Girlfriend:
Dear JR,
Many a trailing spouse who has given up her job to move abroad has struggled with feelings relating to the loss of a sense of achievement, identity and personal satisfaction by not working. This is definitely not a new phenomenon, but is perhaps becoming more common due to the shift in demographics of the expatriate community. Today, trailing spouses tend to be more career-minded than their predecessors and more determined to maintain their identity and ‘be someone abroad’ in their own right.

Rightly or wrongly, a job or career does have a tendency to define our identity. When we suddenly stop working and ‘lose our identity’, it is a natural reaction to reach out for something to restore our sense of self-worth, self-esteem and our identity. Unfortunately, as you have discovered, taking a job abroad does not always fulfil these needs, nor live up to initial expectations.

I suggest you take a step back and look into yourself and decide what it most important to you. Is having ‘a job’ as such the important factor, or is being able to account for your time /skills on your CV your main concern?

Business literature and career guidance articles continuously reinforce this pressure by publicising the importance of a continuous CV, career advancement, on-going education and staying up to date with the local market knowledge. But if you step back and evaluate your current situation you may start to look at your time abroad as a general contribution to your CV and career as well.

In today’s market, what company would not benefit from a staff member who has experience in living in and negotiating with other cultures? Being able to relate to and understand people from other cultures is a great skill to have and just because your experience comes from being on the board of the International Woman’s Club and not from the corporate world, does not make the skills any less relevant. Do not undersell yourself and believe that just because you are not going into an office every day, that you are not adding value to your CV. Put pen to paper and you might be surprised at just how much experience your overseas posting could bring to the corporate world upon your return.

With regards to your question, should I stay or should I go…. human nature is to always want what we do not have. As difficult as it may be and as cliché as it may sound, you need to remember that no job is perfect.

To help with this, make a list of the pros and cons that your new job gives you (both short-term and long-term). Try to figure out just how important ‘a job’ is for you. Think about your salary expectations and the status having a job gives you too. Then try to ascertain how important this particular job is for you, right here, right now.

If you decide that having a job is indeed important to you, but not necessarily your current job, have you thought about a virtual job, where you can be based from home but be working with companies elsewhere? Or if your strong preference is to find a job located where you are living, do not forget the old adage that it is easier to find a job when you have a job. Employers tend to find potential employees more attractive if they are already employed. So perhaps try proactively networking for a new job before handing in your resignation letter.

If on the other hand, you decide that your current job is important to you, then your focus probably needs to be more on how you can improve things at work rather than how you can justify leaving. For example, how can you improve your working relationship with your manager? Do you have a clear duty statement? Are you being proactive and asking for more interesting tasks to add to your current responsibilities? Can you learn any tips about how best to interact with your manager from watching and/or talking to your colleagues?

The same applies with your colleagues. If they see you as ‘the foreigner’, think what you can do to win them over. You can choose to keep things the way they are or you can choose to make changes. If you really want to fit in and you really do make an effort, you might be surprised… slowly but surely your colleagues might include you in their inner circle. Be patient.

Thinking big-picture… if you could do anything, what would you do and why? Does this particular job match in some way those aspirations? Is there something else that you could do while you are a trailing spouse that would provide the feeling of satisfaction, social connection, stimulation and identity that you might be seeking?

Another idea… have you considered seeking advice from a professional life coach? A coach might not only be able to help you work through your current dilemma, but also offer some insightfulness for your future career plans.

I wish you all the best in your upcoming decision-making.

EW Girlfriend

November 2009

Our Expat Women Girlfriend is originally from New Zealand. She has been living abroad as an expatriate since 1996. She has an educational background in Human Resources and Cross Cultural Psychology and has worked with expatriate support issues at the private, corporate and non-profit level. In 2004, she saw a need and established an English speaking hotline in her expat location, offering free mental health support to the growing expatriate population. The hotline provides confidential and anonymous support and information via trained telephone volunteers and is funded through corporate sponsorship. Our Expat Women Girlfriend has always been an active member in the various expatriate communities she has lived in, providing cross-cultural awareness training and informal counseling sessions with a particular focus on the 'trailing spouse' and family.



Disclaimer: This column is intended to be of general interest to ExpatWomen.com visitors. Its suggestions and/or inferences are generalizations and do not address the needs of individuals, nor should they be relied upon in any shape or form. Please seek professional advice/counseling/therapy if you genuinely need assistance to talk through issues in your life right now.