Connie Moser is an American writer who has lived in the Netherlands for 23 years. Her articles cover a wide variety of issues affecting expatriates in particular, including Third Culture Kids – a subject close to the heart of many families living abroad.
Third Culture Kids (also known as Trans-Culture Kids) have the best of all worlds. Travel, adventure, excitement; these global nomads collect cultures across a patchwork of countries. Children who have spent a significant part of their developmental years in a culture other than that of their parents develop relationships to all cultures, yet do not really belong to any.
Actually experiencing a culture is much more exciting than just reading about it. TCKs have the opportunity to learn first hand. Whether the parents are involved in international business, the military, the diplomatic corps, or as academics, all TCKs share common characteristics.
On the move
So what makes these kids different? For one thing, they will have experienced multiple moves. Mobility is a way of life. People around them are constantly coming and going – there are new places, new surroundings. Consequently, TCKs live a colourful life – they are exposed to many different places, people, philosophies and customs.
Because they move frequently, they are at ease with making new contacts and developing friendships quickly. They benefit from learning multiple languages and tend to have better communication skills. And they expect to be moving on, unlike immigrants who intend to stay put.
The expatriate lifestyle can have a number of perks. TCKs often attend special international schools, have greater disposable income, de luxe accommodation, worldwide travel and so on.
For many, being different is a part of their identity, especially when being raised in cultures where they are physically different from those around them. Being exposed to so many different cultures offers them the opportunity to gain knowledge and understanding, and to develop empathy for their host cultures.
Here and now
TCKs have a global view – their world is not one-dimensional. They tend to value relationships and enter them on a deeper, more meaningful level. They also have a greater sense of reality, as they know that what they are currently enjoying will be left behind. They live with a heightened appreciation of the here and now.
On the downside, they have a sense of ‘rootlessness’, of not belonging to any one place, but being a small part of all the cultures they embrace. The question “where are you from?” throws them as many have lived at numerous addresses.
Relationships play a large role in TCKs’ lives. Their involvement in both the expatriate and local communities and the friendships forged there are often long lasting, and they keep in touch throughout subsequent moves. But for some, the ‘quick release’ response of cutting lose comes into play, and they simply move on to the next location.
Often there is unresolved grief when their sense of loss is not adequately addressed. Children need to say their goodbyes and to express their anger, sadness or depression about moving yet again.
History repeats itself
A nomadic lifestyle when growing up may also result is adult TCKs seeking careers where they will continue to travel. Their migratory instincts also have an effect on their many relationships, as well as in a delusion of choice.
Some children who have moved often and have been disappointed often become guarded, attempting to limit their vulnerability and intimacy. They may feel they cannot trust adults because they have no say in their mobile lives, or that they do not need anyone, further insulating themselves against emotional involvement and becoming lonely.
Good communications will help to ease the transitions. An acknowledgement of feelings and permission to express them is important in dealing with expectations, both real and perceived.
Unique opportunity
In spite of the many gains and losses inherent in their lifestyle, TCKs incorporate elements from each and every culture into their life experience. They have the greatest sense of belonging with others who, like themselves, have also experienced the benefits of a multicultural childhood. They are sensitive to other people and cultures, have an expanded view on the world, are creative thinkers, with good social skills and flexibility towards change.
TCKs are in a unique position to form cultural bridges and to foster understanding between the people of numerous countries. In today’s global village, everyone can become neighbours!
(A)WAY Zero issue September 2005
